


The wolf among pants

by SANS_TITRE



Category: The Wolf Among Us
Genre: Absurd, Arguing, Climbing Class, Humor, Rage, Stupidity, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SANS_TITRE/pseuds/SANS_TITRE
Summary: Bigby has lost his pants. You can agree that this is an issue.





	The wolf among pants

(The scene takes place in a flower pot)

BIGBY : All right every one stand up and don't sit down. I won't say it twice. Who stole my pants? Who. Stole. My fucking...  
SNOW : AAAAH! Don't do it!  
BIGBY : What?  
SNOW : You were about to repeat yourself and you said you wouldn't!  
BIGBY : I was only doing my best.  
HOLLY : It wasn't enough.  
BIGBY : Well uh... fuck you?  
HOLLY : Sure!  
BIGBY : Chatting with people is nice.  
TOAD : No it's not.  
BIGBY : Oh, right. (He starts crying)  
SNOW : Aaaaw, don't cry...  
MARY : Please do. I drink tears for breakfast.  
HOLLY : Disgusting.  
MARY : No? I mean, it's delicious on bread.  
FROG : With salmon?  
MARY : Eww, gross! You're such an animal.  
FROG : ...well.  
COLIN : I'm an animal too!  
MARY : Did I fucking ask?  
COLIN : No but you fucking fucked.  
MARY : Fair enough.  
BIGBY : In what way is this fair?  
MARY : In the war one. Get it? Warfare.  
BIGBY : ...  
MARY : You know, the warfare? The thing, with the guns and stuff.  
BIGBY : I'm still crying.  
HOLLY : Well why don't you fucking stop already? It's so loud!  
COLIN : You mean smelly?  
BIGBY : You guys are a fucking train wreck.  
MARY : I like trains.  
BIGBY : Trains? What are those? They sound ugly.  
MARY : But wait, you just mentioned them.  
BIGBY : Liar liar, pants on fire.  
HOLLY : Still better than having no pants at all.  
LAWRENCE : Heeeey, anyone wanna go to climbing class?  
SNOW : What are you even talking about?  
LAWRENCE : Well, it seems "climbing class" was in the tags, and I wondered why, so I thought I should give it some use!  
SNOW : Is that a fact?  
LAWRENCE : Yes, it's a rumor.  
BIGBY : That still won't help me find my pants.  
(Enters Georgie, holding a broken plate)  
GEORGIE : Hi guys.  
BIGBY : ...  
GEORGIE : ...  
BIGBY : ...  
GEORGIE : ...?  
BIGBY : YOU GEORGIE??!?  
GEORGIE : NO I'M A PURPLE SNAKE IN A SUIT!  
BIGBY : IS THAT TRUE?  
SNOW : My ears have written several complaints.  
LAWRENCE : Wow, they can do that?   
SNOW : They're pretty talented I guess.  
MARY : Hey Georgie?  
GEORGIE : No?  
MARY : How do you feel?  
GEORGIE : Blue.  
COLIN : Dabadee dabada...   
(What happens next is somewhat gross. Just know that it involves a knife, blood, and a lot of ham. And also a big wooden dildo, for some reason)  
GEORGIE : Now that that's settled, I think I'm gonna...  
BIGBY : Praise and support fanfiction writers?  
GEORGIE : ...I was gonna say "cry myself to sleep", but...  
SNOW : Wait a second!  
GEORGIE : Whut?  
SNOW : GEORGIE, ARE YOU WEARING PANTS?  
BIGBY : Oh dear, it seems he is.  
GEORGIE : Yeah, I am... so what?  
BIGBY : (Aiming with the evil bow Skadi) GIVE. BACK.  
LAWRENCE : (Helpfully) You forgot "them".  
BIGBY : GIVE BACK THEM  
LAWRENCE : No...  
GEORGIE : I can't give you my pants! I ain't wearing nothing underneath!  
BIGBY : YOU WILL KNOW OBLITERATION!  
GEORGIE : AAAAAAAAAH  
SNOW : My ears will never work properly again.  
HAM THAT USED TO BE COLIN : Lower their salaries.  
SNOW : What for?  
MARY : For what?  
HOLLY : Fwhor?  
BIGBY : Whforat.  
(He shoots)


End file.
